Feeling Good About Hindsight

There are times, too many too count, when I look back on things in my life and in hindsight realize I did something foolish, illogical, stupid, or without caution. There are times though, when I can look back on decisions and feel good that I did make the right decision. James K.A. Smith brilliantly explains the thought process I took to make my decision about sitting on my M.A., which I got without incurring debt, and holding off on a Ph.D. in literature:

Here’s the baseline advice I tell my students: do not go into debt for graduate study. At least not a doctoral program in philosophy, theology, or literature. There might be a calculus in which taking on debt makes sense for a law degree, an MBA, etc. But in the fields we’re talking about, you should not be taking out loans to do a PhD.

In other words, if you do not get a “full ride” to a PhD program–that is, if you don’t get full tuition remission plus an assistantship (stipend)–then the Lord is telling you something. I really mean that. I’m sorry if that sounds harsh or callous. But if you’re trying to discern your future, and you’re admitted to a program but don’t receive funding (which probably only happens at lower tier schools anyway), that’s the Spirit speaking to you loudly and clearly. I’m not saying that will be easy news to receive. But take a breath, step back, and hear it for what it is. (From “So You Want to Go to Grad School: Money“)

I throw all I had at PhD applications to schools that offer funding and came up empty, and then I had to make the hard decision not to pursue a PhD for the time being precisely because we have no deb,t so why sink a ship when it’s floating so well? It’s hard to swallow. If I could, my dream job would be to win the lottery and get three PhDs. I always want to learn and teach, learn and teach…but there is something better out there. The system of higher education is changing so much that it feels comforting to not be going into a PhD program on a stipend with a baby on the way and little to no chance of landing a job when I get out. I’m debt free, an adjunct professor, and ready for any doors to open for the PhD, but if it’s not for another 5-10 years that’s fine with me.